i wonder if you would call onto me

I miss and wish for those times when things were simpler
Then I remember you
And I'm thankful the way things are now too

You know the one thing about some people
Its like they only care about what they feel
And think just because we laugh and smile all the time
That everything's fine


Sometimes just because i'm your friend doesn't mean that im okay with what you do to me okay. Embarrassment? Do you know i begged him for us?? do you know how embarrassed i was doing that?

I purposely mentioned all those stuff the other day just to see if you care. No reaction at all. Angry, Upset and Dissapointed?

I beg to differ. I have feelings too.


I need you two right now
:(

Our problem as young people is our idealistic mind. Now don’t get me wrong, an idealistic mind is always a gem among the group of norm. However, an idealistic mind poses this one weakness which cultivates problems in many areas and poses a big risk namely, misconception and diverted understanding.

The weakness of such an idealistic mind lies in its enthusiasm itself. You see, a huge explosion of enthusiasm gives rise to an idealistic opinion in a student. However, once an idealistic view approaches, they fail to see the rationale of the other option. Now bear in mind, when taking a decision, no option is wrong, but every option has its degree of rationality. Option A is rationale as it serves the crowd better but it may forget the minority whereas option B is also rationale as it serves both but in a lesser amount to both sides.

Empathy is a strong word. At times it brings about liberal consciousness which is bad. But at times it is a necessity when we are faced with a huge crowd vesting to millions of people. What empathy does is to give us another way of looking at things. Our view must not be selfish; our view must be positively responsive to the whole crowd. If we are to understand the view of side A without understanding side B we are no better than people like Hitler (and bear in mind what an idealistic young man he was during his time!)

I had attended a talk in the starting of August, it was in a way a positive talk that tries to address issues and in a way evoke idealism. However, what saddens me is the foolishness of several students. There was a session where they were allowed to ask the speakers a question. I was struck the most when one student asked,

“You say that we should study in BM whereas all the previous Prime Ministers had studied in English medium schools during their days”

Now I’m not such a smart person but honestly, wasn’t that a bit tad too stupid to ask? We are at a time where we can choose what language to use, to learn, to cultivate! In their time it was not. We were in the British colonial rule and even in Mahathir’s era he was in no position to fight whether he wants to learn it in English or BM. Ever heard of a 10 year old fighting for human rights? Maybe yes you have, but in this case, it’s a definite no.

What some of them were doing was question for the sake of questioning, not for the sake of learning. Their ideals and stands may have been right or wrong, but the medium in which they have tried to use to justify it was used wrongly. Hence a question posed that day should have been done not for the sake of just to ask and get things clear but to learn. Knowledge is in many forms, idealism may be posed in many people and that includes even Karl Marx and those evil geniuses.

Our enthusiasm lied in the wrong manner. Enthusiasm was made a veil to the rationale thinking. And thus leads us to develop a false stand where we look upon things negatively and without putting in mind of the opposite. I refuse and abhor such scrutiny imposed upon idealism as idealism is a good thing. Idealism pushes us to fight for something; idealism is what has shaped humanity whether good or bad.

Hence for the sake of knowledge and civilization, be idealistic, but be rational as well.

Ahemahem!


This post! Is specially posted for the viewing of a certain Kong Chia Yew

The rest can wonder whats up with the picture and be blur or make it into a funny topic at my chatbox! haha
Haiyo I guess the Maha Clinic back there isn't clear lah, sorry Kong!

And do ignore my weird how many days tak mandi facial expression yea! :P

Who am I is the worst question i have ever been faced with my whole life.

Since i was a kid, i became this person who my parents wanted me to be. Then I grew up and become things which i hate. I feel as if society is what shaped me today. No, it didn't shape me to a bad person or a criminal or a juvenile delinquent, but instead it shaped me to become someone who was not....well me.. Every single day, i wake up and i just wish i would wake up a person i would actually like to become. But what is it that i want to become? I go to school and i act like this person who i really hate! I do things which i rarely agree with! I hang out with people who made me feel like a flipping burger workaholic instead of a friend. I dont know what is a friend, I dont belong to a group of friends. Every time i go somewhere is like letting go of everything before me and taking something new, just temporarily. I want to feel that sense of belonging. I want to know what is friendship. I want to know me. I feel like im alone, I feel cold everyday, in every sense. My heart thumps and feels so weak, I grow jelous of those few people who hang out with the same people each day, go to each others houses and laugh together whereas I sit there alone and do my work. People would say like "Hey! go hangout with people like you la" but the thing is, who am i? Every single day i wear different hats with different people and different situations.

I am the clown in class

I am the strict and serious guy in school

and I am the loner among them

And yet i feel like this is not me. I am someone else. I've lost Ashman. I want to feel like Ashman once more. I don't want to be the philosophical person, the debater, the commander, the leader or anything else!!

I just want to be ashman but i dont know what that is anymore. I hate the way society treats me like it knows me. I hate the way I am stereotyped and not taken seriously when i am being serious.


I'm afraid now, of waking up one day, alone, with no memories, hateful, and cold. I'm afraid of regretting that I never made a significance in my life, I'm afraid that I have no significance in life.



I would do anything to trade whatever it is in this life and everything else, to have that.

To lay down under a tree, with an apple and a book on top of my face covering me as I sleep and my head on her lap.