Ahemahem!


This post! Is specially posted for the viewing of a certain Kong Chia Yew

The rest can wonder whats up with the picture and be blur or make it into a funny topic at my chatbox! haha
Haiyo I guess the Maha Clinic back there isn't clear lah, sorry Kong!

And do ignore my weird how many days tak mandi facial expression yea! :P

Who am I is the worst question i have ever been faced with my whole life.

Since i was a kid, i became this person who my parents wanted me to be. Then I grew up and become things which i hate. I feel as if society is what shaped me today. No, it didn't shape me to a bad person or a criminal or a juvenile delinquent, but instead it shaped me to become someone who was not....well me.. Every single day, i wake up and i just wish i would wake up a person i would actually like to become. But what is it that i want to become? I go to school and i act like this person who i really hate! I do things which i rarely agree with! I hang out with people who made me feel like a flipping burger workaholic instead of a friend. I dont know what is a friend, I dont belong to a group of friends. Every time i go somewhere is like letting go of everything before me and taking something new, just temporarily. I want to feel that sense of belonging. I want to know what is friendship. I want to know me. I feel like im alone, I feel cold everyday, in every sense. My heart thumps and feels so weak, I grow jelous of those few people who hang out with the same people each day, go to each others houses and laugh together whereas I sit there alone and do my work. People would say like "Hey! go hangout with people like you la" but the thing is, who am i? Every single day i wear different hats with different people and different situations.

I am the clown in class

I am the strict and serious guy in school

and I am the loner among them

And yet i feel like this is not me. I am someone else. I've lost Ashman. I want to feel like Ashman once more. I don't want to be the philosophical person, the debater, the commander, the leader or anything else!!

I just want to be ashman but i dont know what that is anymore. I hate the way society treats me like it knows me. I hate the way I am stereotyped and not taken seriously when i am being serious.


I'm afraid now, of waking up one day, alone, with no memories, hateful, and cold. I'm afraid of regretting that I never made a significance in my life, I'm afraid that I have no significance in life.



I would do anything to trade whatever it is in this life and everything else, to have that.

To lay down under a tree, with an apple and a book on top of my face covering me as I sleep and my head on her lap.