i wonder if you would call onto me

I miss and wish for those times when things were simpler
Then I remember you
And I'm thankful the way things are now too

You know the one thing about some people
Its like they only care about what they feel
And think just because we laugh and smile all the time
That everything's fine


Sometimes just because i'm your friend doesn't mean that im okay with what you do to me okay. Embarrassment? Do you know i begged him for us?? do you know how embarrassed i was doing that?

I purposely mentioned all those stuff the other day just to see if you care. No reaction at all. Angry, Upset and Dissapointed?

I beg to differ. I have feelings too.


I need you two right now
:(

Our problem as young people is our idealistic mind. Now don’t get me wrong, an idealistic mind is always a gem among the group of norm. However, an idealistic mind poses this one weakness which cultivates problems in many areas and poses a big risk namely, misconception and diverted understanding.

The weakness of such an idealistic mind lies in its enthusiasm itself. You see, a huge explosion of enthusiasm gives rise to an idealistic opinion in a student. However, once an idealistic view approaches, they fail to see the rationale of the other option. Now bear in mind, when taking a decision, no option is wrong, but every option has its degree of rationality. Option A is rationale as it serves the crowd better but it may forget the minority whereas option B is also rationale as it serves both but in a lesser amount to both sides.

Empathy is a strong word. At times it brings about liberal consciousness which is bad. But at times it is a necessity when we are faced with a huge crowd vesting to millions of people. What empathy does is to give us another way of looking at things. Our view must not be selfish; our view must be positively responsive to the whole crowd. If we are to understand the view of side A without understanding side B we are no better than people like Hitler (and bear in mind what an idealistic young man he was during his time!)

I had attended a talk in the starting of August, it was in a way a positive talk that tries to address issues and in a way evoke idealism. However, what saddens me is the foolishness of several students. There was a session where they were allowed to ask the speakers a question. I was struck the most when one student asked,

“You say that we should study in BM whereas all the previous Prime Ministers had studied in English medium schools during their days”

Now I’m not such a smart person but honestly, wasn’t that a bit tad too stupid to ask? We are at a time where we can choose what language to use, to learn, to cultivate! In their time it was not. We were in the British colonial rule and even in Mahathir’s era he was in no position to fight whether he wants to learn it in English or BM. Ever heard of a 10 year old fighting for human rights? Maybe yes you have, but in this case, it’s a definite no.

What some of them were doing was question for the sake of questioning, not for the sake of learning. Their ideals and stands may have been right or wrong, but the medium in which they have tried to use to justify it was used wrongly. Hence a question posed that day should have been done not for the sake of just to ask and get things clear but to learn. Knowledge is in many forms, idealism may be posed in many people and that includes even Karl Marx and those evil geniuses.

Our enthusiasm lied in the wrong manner. Enthusiasm was made a veil to the rationale thinking. And thus leads us to develop a false stand where we look upon things negatively and without putting in mind of the opposite. I refuse and abhor such scrutiny imposed upon idealism as idealism is a good thing. Idealism pushes us to fight for something; idealism is what has shaped humanity whether good or bad.

Hence for the sake of knowledge and civilization, be idealistic, but be rational as well.

Ahemahem!


This post! Is specially posted for the viewing of a certain Kong Chia Yew

The rest can wonder whats up with the picture and be blur or make it into a funny topic at my chatbox! haha
Haiyo I guess the Maha Clinic back there isn't clear lah, sorry Kong!

And do ignore my weird how many days tak mandi facial expression yea! :P

Who am I is the worst question i have ever been faced with my whole life.

Since i was a kid, i became this person who my parents wanted me to be. Then I grew up and become things which i hate. I feel as if society is what shaped me today. No, it didn't shape me to a bad person or a criminal or a juvenile delinquent, but instead it shaped me to become someone who was not....well me.. Every single day, i wake up and i just wish i would wake up a person i would actually like to become. But what is it that i want to become? I go to school and i act like this person who i really hate! I do things which i rarely agree with! I hang out with people who made me feel like a flipping burger workaholic instead of a friend. I dont know what is a friend, I dont belong to a group of friends. Every time i go somewhere is like letting go of everything before me and taking something new, just temporarily. I want to feel that sense of belonging. I want to know what is friendship. I want to know me. I feel like im alone, I feel cold everyday, in every sense. My heart thumps and feels so weak, I grow jelous of those few people who hang out with the same people each day, go to each others houses and laugh together whereas I sit there alone and do my work. People would say like "Hey! go hangout with people like you la" but the thing is, who am i? Every single day i wear different hats with different people and different situations.

I am the clown in class

I am the strict and serious guy in school

and I am the loner among them

And yet i feel like this is not me. I am someone else. I've lost Ashman. I want to feel like Ashman once more. I don't want to be the philosophical person, the debater, the commander, the leader or anything else!!

I just want to be ashman but i dont know what that is anymore. I hate the way society treats me like it knows me. I hate the way I am stereotyped and not taken seriously when i am being serious.


I'm afraid now, of waking up one day, alone, with no memories, hateful, and cold. I'm afraid of regretting that I never made a significance in my life, I'm afraid that I have no significance in life.



I would do anything to trade whatever it is in this life and everything else, to have that.

To lay down under a tree, with an apple and a book on top of my face covering me as I sleep and my head on her lap.

Ahah! After weeks of interpreting what that line from Casablanca meant,

I have decided

That it is to show respects to a person,

that line is,

"Heres to looking at you kid"




*Humphrey Bogart is so cool haha

I have gotten my first group work assignment
(the ones that gives marks on finals lah)

And the first sentence of our group assignment work is


Have you ever watch porn before?



I'm serious. Maybe Helps not bad after all HAHA.

GO US ;)

The world has perhaps turned a bit uglier for President Obama. Short into his 1^st term, he has successfully lost the confidence of more than few key-economist, historian and public figures. Just less than two weeks ago did Obama’s plea for support troops in Afghanistan was rejected by the European Union (EU) members. The response though fortunately failed to tarnish his reputable image. The Obama fever hasn’t cooled down, the people are still addicted and Obama girl is still active.

Barack Obama is doing exactly what his campaign says, and the financial statements, the unemployment rates and much more are not exactly getting much better. He is not entirely wrong, for the past 4 months he has done few things past American presidents would not dare to do, pulling away troops from Iraq and announcing the closure of Guantanamo Bay. Though current polls shows that by last February his approval rating among Democrat has drop by 6 percent but is still remaining high of 92% and for the Republican of dropping by 19% down to 31%[1]. Though the middle class society and the rest of the world is totally in love with Obama, various economic critic and historians are starting to think otherwise. Only last month did Tim Ferguson mention that “attempts to rescue the economy by Washington and other political capitals have done little good and much harm”[2]. Numerous of them have proposed actions and ideas on which systems that need revamping but none seems to past his ears. And here we are counting our matchsticks paying the price of ignorance. It seems as if the meetings before his inauguration centering on the economic crisis was not constructive. Either this or Obama’s economic ‘teacher’ Larry Summers is a terrible one.

His more current move in nationalizing the financial institutions is a much opposed one. The government's decision to purchase minority stakes in financial institutions and further expand its deposit insurance programs will bolster its power over how financial institutions are managed and regulated going forward. But do the steps that the Treasury and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. plan to take amount to a partial nationalization of our financial system?[3] The idea of this gives the govt. more than just huge stake in decision making but relinquishes the idea of a free enterprise bringing government bureaucracy[4] into the picture. No longer are corporations free to make decisions without any government intervention. This gives the federal bank micro management of the financial institutions. It may be good in a way of decreasing the risk of non-performing loans. But then walks in the issue of how the govt. is going to implement the action as the buying out of the financial institutions shares would deliberately allow the equity holders to walk away freely without any consequence.

Another problem lies in the appointment of Obama’s Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner himself. Here is the man who has been in the crisis in the middle of summer 2007 and still failed the New York Reserve. Steve Forbes wrote “You would think he’d have been ready for decisive, bold actions as soon as Obama took the oath of office. Instead, he has discouraged markets with his vague generalities[5]”. An article in the New York Times mention that “As the day wore on, Mr. Geithner faced growing skepticism from Democratic and Republican lawmakers, many of them channeling deep voter disgust with the way the government has handled the bailout over the last nine months[6]”. The Senate Finance Committee cited his lack of details and information in his plans giving a lack of confidence in the Obama-lead administration. Even the House Financial Service Committee, Wall Street and various Economists are taking swipes on his costly blunder that’s taking up precious time waiting for more detailed plans[7]. They also took an offense towards the new Bank Bail-Out plan commenting that tax payers money are practically going to banks and financial institutions that directly helped the current crisis escalate. These banks are not investing or lending out paralyzing the credit flow without anyone gaining from it. And with the nationalization it’s going to be worse as the Chairman of the Federal Bank, Ben Bernanke who is weary and reluctant to invest. The whole purpose of having savings is to direct savings from one party to be invested with another party, as explained by Steve Forbes[8]. But what Bernanke is doing is following his predecessor Alan Greenspan is avoiding ‘excess savings’ which is practically preposterous, because there can never be an excess in savings!

President Obama should take a cue from his hero Abraham Lincoln. President Lincoln did whatever that was necessary, firing incapable generals and taking up books on war when his advisors did not perform. Though Obama is still in his honeymoon with America, it is clear that with his declining confidence in the senate and Russia’s Putin’s new plan to reestablish itself as the major player gathering back the nations lost from the Soviet Union he may have to change his basic premises. In the coming months, he would face an even worse situation and escalating opposition. He cannot afford to have the slows as the financial crisis is said to only be brewing. The unemployment rates are still low, and the results are yet to show, and if this persist to happen he too like Herbert Hoover, shall be a one-termer.

haha today was sucky lol

The International Crime Court (ICC) has issued a warrant arrest to the Sudan Head of State Omar Hassan Ahmad Al-Bashir.

He is suspected for war crimes and control of several branches to secure the implementation of the counter-insurgency campaign.

This is the first time such warrant has been issued.


Isn't it a wonder how this can happen suddenly?

Comparing the magnitude of his actions and the acts of Bush, Blair and Edud, The ICC is clearly being unjust.


In a world where even an intenational body for justice(as they claim) is such, how can we expect any justice from the westerners who slander, abuse, and twist and turn from it?

And this is another proof of democracy's weakness.

(The reason for the non-related picture[but actually is if you notice] and me writing like this is because last week was Kongs birthday! HAHA,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KONG!

FYI Kong writes like this so yeah.)

Omehgosh guys! Life update yea! I rarely do these kind of girly stuff so once in a while why not eih.

Okay, so tomorrow I'm going to apply for the Help University College Foundation in Arts. I went to the Facon EduFair today at KLCC with Ayah and we met this guy at Help's booth. Well he didn't actually introduce to me the arts foundation but what really interested me and Ayah was the University of London External System. But to get in he suggested foundations.

Ayah was like Hey! This is like so cool lets go to Help straight away! And so we did, met this nice guy form the UOL department and now I'm enrolling for foundation tomorrow! I guess my plans on Form 6 and A-levels tidak menjadi kerana saya merasakan ini adalah untuk terbaik. The guy did mention though that the UOL degree course is going to be very hard and that every intake normally theres only 25 people applying. Its much harder than the University of East London(UOEL) and more challenging. He also mentioned that this course are normally for ambitious ones (puji diri LOL!). But I guess no matter in what ever course its always hard, but i really intend to work hard from now. I feel really bad for only studying the last 2 months before SPM and now my results are terrible :(. My intake is on the 23rd of March! So near but now I finally have a purpose in life. Thats good if your wondering :P.

So yeah other than that I'm not sure what else to say, there was so many chicks at the Help's booth though, I mean the enquiring ones.
Really lah, don't come to help. OMYGOSH! HAVE I GONE GAY? NO LAH. Actually nanti terlalu banyak distraction. I mean you guys know kan how my head is like. Macam a chick alarm. Turns everywhere theres a hot chick. It's not my fault okay, its just that way. I don't know what you science people call it, hormon kan? ;P

Buuuttt then if you ladies want to I won't exactly mind HAHA.

Hence with my honest intention of wanting to be hardworking, I wish to inform that I shall not be too frequent with my blog now, I might post when I'm extremely free or post any of my assignments if its interesting.

And this below can only be understood by very few so beware!

Remember when I said that if it won't happen then I won't do it for the next few years, I guess life has its way of telling things which are just not meant and I was just being to small-boy-ish about it though I'm already 18 now. I guess I would just have to follow what I say now. I feel a bit weird though but it's fine. Normally I find Malay guys doing it very frequently after they're out of school but I'm the other way round. I don't mind being this way, I feel happy with the people I'm with now, they're nice people but I feel bad I act even around them. But thats another issue I'm still contemplating. I think I'll be very fine, one seems like an interesting figure.

And well just to end my post for tonight, heres a nice video for all of you! Its funny :).


BBYE

Any Malaysian born in Malaysia would know of the legend of Hang Tuah regardless of any race. The tale of his battle with Hang Jebat, his non-genetic brother has been retold in many ways but looking at its core, it is still the same. However what makes this story different to many Malaysians is how we depict and interpret the story.

The story of the battle was all caused by the unjustified way the Sultan Of Malacca sentenced him to death. He was framed with for having an illicit affair with one of the Sultan's concubines. However he was instead saved and hidden far away by the Bendahara(prime minister). After Jebats treachery, he was granted full amnesty and fought Jebat and finally killed Jebat.

The way people has symbolized both Tuah and Jebat has both been one-sided. I find that we have perhaps misunderstood it in many ways, ranging from why Tuah actually forgo with killing Jebat and to what Jebats idea actually meant.

Lets forget Tuah's quotation 'Takkan Melayu Hilang di Dunia' because I personally think its irrelevant in this matter.
However lets insert Jebats quotation 'Raja adil raja disembah, raja zalim raja disanggah' because its plays a huge clue to what was the idea he brought.

I'll put it in numberings to make my arguments easier.

1. Was Tuah too loyal in a non-sensible way

Now some people argue that his loyalty was too strong and that he did not see the logic in Jebats eyes. However as a Muslim, perhaps he knew that as Rasulullah is the perfect example, to forgive someone before the person asks for forgiveness instead of his extremely strong loyalty.

Because if he was loyal then why did he go againts the orders of the Sultan?

An extension of this tale was that After the fight, The Sultan ordered his men to tear down, burn and throw the ashes of the house into the sea. Two months later, when a lady of the Bendahara retinue gave birth to Jebat's son, the sultan ordered Hang Tuah to throw the baby into the sea as well. Instead, he entrusted the child, Hang Kadim, to the Bendahara.

This tale however contradicts the prospect looked upon.

And if he was that loyal, then wouldn't he have killed himself when the Sultan sentenced him to death instead of hide?

I feel that perhaps it wasn't his loyalty but justice that drove him to kill Jebat. Perhaps he knew that after Jebats act of killing so many palace maids his cause has wavered. And to this, justice needed to be brought upon him as well.

2.Jebat, The Father of Malaysian Democracy?

Okayy, going back to his quote, Raja adil raja disembah, raja zalim raja disanggah, did he really fought for democracy? Was it the idea of democracy that he brought? or Was it the idea of justice towards all? and What he fought for was actually simple justice?

Being a Muslim, I felt that democracy was not what he meant when he uttered those words.That sentence could have been simply applied towards any form of governence in the world. Democracy has not been the strongest system created, or the most justified.

What is the actual proof that he meant democracy? He never mentioned in any way for people to vote for him to replace the Sultan. And he never mentioned in anyway of their rights towards determining the rulers.

What he mentioned was that we should follow a just ruler and not follow(or mengenepikan) and unjust ruler. It was that simple. I find no reason what so ever for democracy to butt in.
It wasn't democracy that he fought for, it was justice for all, even rulers. It was simple justice.

3.Was the killing of Jebat Justified?

This is simple, YES.
You see, though Jebat has the correct idea, his methods were wrong. As a Muslim, he shouldve know that himself than to kill the palace maids and divulge himself in merrymaking instead of preaching and continuing his idealism of justice!

And yes he had a choice. Every one has a choice. Even when you are againts the self-proclaimed human god you still have a choice.
Nowadays, it takes a dead reporter for us to realize and fight for the freedom of press.
Nowadays, it takes a dead little girl for us to realise and fight for peace.
If he believed that justice was on his side, he himself would not commit such foul acts of murder.
Its a simple question of willing to stick the objectives that you put forth, not treachery or loyalty.

Conclusion
I just think we think too complex in an inappopriate manner. That we divulge ourselves in the ideas that we like, we fail to see the gyst of ones actions and words. We seem to apply what our beliefs are in storys where it doesn't relate. There are many things in life which are complex, but this is not one of them. This was simple, justice gone wrong, a man who knew what had to be done, and he though loyal, knew his limits. We see things that we want to see and when we don't, we push for those things to appear when at the same time, we fail to realize the negative implications of it. For me, Tuah did the right thing, and Jebat was wrong, not in his idea, but in his reactiosn and for it, he had to face the consequence. His killings does not justify Tuah's alleged murder.

But again, thats my idea je kan?


But remember that let it be Jebat or Tuah, they were both heroes who should be sought for inspiration, patriotism and idealism.

They were both men who were loyal and loving towards each other, brothers but alass as one is clouded in his actions, the other did what was only justified.

Remember that Jebat asked for forgiveness when he died. That he was redeemed. And that Justice, is for all.

Argh sorry guys don't have much time nowadays lah for writing anything but here's something for you all to watch and enjoy. I hate Dan Quayle, he's likes a stupid dumb blond, excpet he has a ****.

Heh heh ;P

A few weeks back after coming back from my QTI session from Cheras, a friend of mine and I noticed a car sticker. Well I was surprised at how stupid it sounded.

I have had a new point of view, a consciousness towards the workings of an administration and management
-- by a game!

Now, they say that games has been a bane, a back step on human progress. We may notice that with years gameplays and graphics has and will enhance. However, what we have failed to notice that whereas these fields progress, the aim can also progress towards benefitting us itself in ways other than relaxation and anger management.

I started playing SimCity 4 the other day and wow, I guess it really made me rethink all the way. I know that managing a city isn't easy. But the fact is, I was wrong. It's hard, very hard. Where you think that your giving people free education to make the citizens smarter, you have to look at your budget and ensure the financial statement is happy. It's not always you can make a welfare state and not have bad implications. Costs are huge burdens where you would have to replace it another way. And why do you need to? Well you want to make investments in other sectors. Plotting lands for commercial and industrial uses where money are of huge concerns. Plotting the land itself can be very costly and then there's the matter of time for investors to come.

You see, there are no hints or tricks on managing a city or country.It's all on thinking. Taxes can burden you by halting commercial, residential, and industrial increase but if there's no taxes then how are you suppose to make profit? Profit is the core of it. Okay I'm beginning to sound like a capitalist but it's true. If you don't have profit then you have loss. If you have losses then you budget shrinks. And without any profit it shrinks all the way until you have to fork out loans and increase taxes!

So I guess I was wrong all these while. Running a country isn't easy and I guess we all have been looking the wrong way. We expect too much as citizens and when what we want are not achieve, we start the blame game and come out with conclusions of our own where the product is not certain. And it is in these cases that uncertain investments and ways are simply unacceptable.

After that we get angry and start protesting everywhere saying the administration should be giving cheaper oil prices and etc etc where we ourselves are not knowledgeable enough in those areas. We talk like Aristotle and Plate while we forget that they say because of their knowledge, not just their belief and ideas. Their ideas are born through their knowledge. It does not go the other way. When it does its called third world thinking!

But that does not mean I'm on the goverment side. Because somewhere along the lines, our leaders has implimented cronism, bribary and unjustified methods of governing! And this is what weakens our country! I shall blog more later on that issue. Heh, I don't feel like vacationing in the ISA detention( if you get what I mean)

Haha, trylah SimCity 4! Its goooood ;)

I can't stand it. Writer's block SUCKS :(